On any CRHP retreat there is a series of “witness talks” by the men who had attended the retreat previously. I took on the task of giving a
witness talk on Christian Awareness. I am not sure if I gave the “Awareness” talk
envisioned in the CRHP manual, if that even matters. I was honest of my failings which mostly centered my frustration and anger at small
things driven by one thing, fear. I have concluded that fear dictates an apparent
need to control things at almost any cost. It's not the type of fear like fear being injured, it's fear driven by the ego. Think about the snippiness we see daily,
think of your own snippiness -I certainly admitted my own. My examples included moments and
questions contained in stress, all knee jerk reactions like will I be able to finish my meal with the
kids screaming in a restaurant? Can I get this through this article without
being interrupted? Can I finish a conversation with my wife without my children
interrupting for attention? I noted to
the men that being able to fully recognize one’s fear and ego response, but yet coming to level out the negativity can bring happiness. It improves the world in and around us. Jesus
said “Don’t be afraid, believe”- Mark 5:36 . If we can’t address these smaller
issues of fear and ego, how can we address the larger issues of our politics, church,
and the world? I broke it all down to
conclude that even if we can’t all agree on all the emphases areas that our Church
presents we should all remember and focus heavily on the greatest commandment
as read in Mathew 22:36-40. Now, how we truly interpret and what we really do
with this commandment is where our feet truely hit the ground.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest
commandment. And the second is like it:
‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these
two commandments.”
After the talk I was received with great love by the men,
hugs and verbal approval, on both on the presenting and receiving sides of the
retreat. The reception was an amazing moment that any honest person would want
to live on and on. Honesty and faith sharing amongst men, along with sharing some lack of faith, is not always done always with ease, but when it occurs it is
very satisfying and reaffirming; strength for the journey no doubt. I have
wondered if other men, both church people and not, if they too could stand and be as honest with themselves and
others as the men I saw share during the retreat. If we could we would be a better as a species. If this level of sharing could be widespread I know for certain just
the Church itself would be much richer and more tied to reality.
I returned home after the two full days of this retreat.
With trepidation I turned on my iPhone. I made my way around the usual
websites, e-mails, and of course to Facebook. I often joke that with Facebook I read minds I’d
rather not read. One post caught my eye basically separated the "good and bad people "with a folksy sort of certitude. The
person posting felt themselves to be in the right club or church in our world. There was a litany of
“I’m of tired of those people who…” fill in the blank with problem people. Basically, according to the post, the
problems of the world are always someone else’s fault, never theirs, and
frankly if you don’t agree “you’re part of the problem”.
My belief is Jesus' life and death exposed scapegoating for
what it is, hatred, violence, and endless stress. There is a lie that seeps in to
daily life that believes in an artificial separation within the human race. The
friend of the friend posting is a Christian with an image of the crucifixion on
their Facebook page; that crucifixion illustrates both the problem and the
solution and how we miss the point is a deep sadness. I know my reposting friend in real life is
meek, mild, and loving as I have experienced many times. I hope they aren’t
as angry as the author of that disgruntled post.
An author, priest, and peace activist I follow and read, Fr.
John Dear tells a story in his book "Lazarus Come Forth", he once asked a group of boys he was preparing for Catholic confirmation
what is the Kingdom of God? After a few answers one boy simply and beautifully
said “life”. “Life” was described as
happy families celebrating birthdays, people helping others, life without violence,
forgiving, and letting people live and be who they truly are. It’s all pretty
fantastic, however possible. I really
want to bring people towards my church and expose the real meanings of gospels
and illustrate what life can be. I want
people both in the Church and outside to know that God really as nicer than the
most loving person you know in your life and we can mimic this – yeah I know
that’s hard work. There needs to be an examination in the Church of the artificial
separation between people, basically some unlearning must occur while learning.
Recently on Holy Thursday Pope Francis amongst others washed the feet of a Muslim woman in a
Rome prison. The action of just washing a woman’s feet in this Holy Thursday
ritual I read violates church liturgical rules, but he did it. Francis renewed Jesus' true message of service. On Sunday I
washed the feet of the men who sat at my table during our CRHP retreat. The men had neared the end of the retreat. They had revealed their failings and their paths moving beyond hurt and damaged lives. Maybe symbolically I should point out that we had no access to showers or bathes during the weekend so I did the little washing that was available, remembering that we
really can be renewed in smallest of ways, but any renewal is change that counts.
